What if your second choice employer offers a job after you've started another job? Should you consider the offer from your first choice?
Instead of wasting your time; shift your job search to start with discovering important information about what makes you happy.
People who are happy and fulfilled focus on many things. Everyone should have a job that’s a great fit. Don't rely on a job for meaning
Too much reflection can set up unrealistic job expectations. Instead, define market need, so you can find companies that might hire you.